Don’t Get Lost in the Why of It All

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” - Matthew 16:24

As I continue to mature in faith (and in age) I have begun to look back over the many journeys I’ve been on, taking long and solitary walks down memory lane. I sometimes get lost in the “whys” of living for Christ, and when I do, I often remember Paul’s letter to the Philippians. Paul openly admits to being torn between his desire to depart and be with Christ, and the necessity of remaining in his human form to continue his work for the Kingdom. (Phil. 1:23-24) I very often feel the desire to be with Jesus, yet like Paul, I know I must run my race, continue to grow in faith and seek continued perseverance for the expansion of the Kingdom. 

I’ve learned that the more we trust in God, the less we need the details, and the “whys” don’t have to make sense. God’s ways and thoughts are higher than our human ways and thoughts; God makes that clear in Isaiah 55. Human nature is such that the “why this?” or “why that?” mentality creeps up on us in moments of vulnerability or explodes into existence like a runaway freight train. It’s in the learning moments I’ve experienced over these past months that I’ve come to find peace in the not knowing. I don’t need to know because God knows, and because God knows, I am free from the worry and anxiety that life tries to trap me in. 

It takes a long time for many believers to find peace in the denial of self and learning to truly follow the One who loves us most. When bad things happen, when the desires of our hearts are not fulfilled, we very often question why. Why, God? Why can’t we get pregnant? Why did my Daddy die so young? Why does my husband have to be so sick? Why? Why? Why? Then, in the quiet moments, we hear the soft voice of the Holy Spirit asking us why not? It is in those moments of intimacy and solitude with the Holy Spirit that we are reminded of the Cross, Jesus’ sacrifice upon it and the grace that God pours over our lives. The why not of the Holy Spirit isn’t easy to hear and it’s very difficult to understand. Sometimes. There are times when the why not answer is revealed to our broken heart(s) the very moment we hear the why not question. If you’ve ever sat at the bedside of a loved one and held their hand when they took their last breath, you more than likely heard your heart question why. Then the Holy Spirit answered with why not, and you received the release of God’s grace and mercy all at the same time. Picking up our cross and following Jesus isn’t always hard or heartbreaking or even obvious, and it takes an effort that simply isn’t possible in our human strength.

Since life has a way of pushing us along even when we don’t want to go for the ride, dying to self and following Jesus gives us a spiritual road map for the twists and turns of our faith journeys. We’re all on separate journeys with the same destination in mind; Eternity. Sometimes dying to ourselves can be very difficult, and sometimes we just have to close our eyes, fall forward into the arms of Christ and trust. I don’t mean trust in the same way we trust humans, which, if you ask me, is way more difficult than trusting Jesus. I mean trusting in the spiritual, with a reverence and commitment to God that makes no sense to those who choose to live a life separate from Him. When Jesus becomes the blood in your veins and the air that you breathe, the whys of living still show up. So do the why nots. The why nots can bring peace, growth and contentment. We just have to let the Holy Spirit be the one who asks the question. We must remember to die to self, follow the One that loves us the most and carry the cross that leads to peace. And to Eternity.