Keep Showing Up!
I recently listened to a very successful businesswoman speak about friendship. She said, “I don’t have time for friends. I have a lot of people that I know, but I'm not hanging with friends. Once I found myself as my own best friend, I'm good. I got my family. My friends now are whom I do business and collaborate with. That’s what excites me about life: how we are going to make a difference. How are we going to impact lives? How are we going to empower women? How are we going to protect children? How are we going to restore the family unit? If I go just hang out with girls and small talk about nothing or hair or makeup, it's draining. What excites me is being on purpose, and so my friends are people that are aligned with my views.”
Following her statement, so many women commented and agreed with her, stating that they are their own best friend. Their family is all they need.
At first glance, this sounds kind of heroic in nature or of sound mind and thinking. However, I immediately felt this statement to be heartbreaking. Not only did I believe this to be heartbreaking for her but, moreover, heartbreaking for all the women that could benefit from her friendship. I can understand what she is saying, to a point; however, I see it more as a caution to have this mindset. Would I teach this to my daughter? NO! Is this what God’s word tells us? No! Is this what Jesus would do? No!
I can’t tell you why I love other women so much, other than the work of the Holy Spirit. Maybe it’s because I lost my mom at an early age. Maybe it’s because I never had a sister. I LOVE and cherish my relationships with my girlfriends deeply. I’m so grateful for the women and the friendships that showed up for me.
I have had my fair share of fallouts with friends, so as not to appear naïve. My life in the world of friendships hasn’t been all unicorns and rainbows. I’ve been deeply hurt and wounded by close friends. Nonetheless, I refuse to let that taint the need and the place in my heart for friendship and to give friendship. There is a place and space in our hearts for great, intimate, godly friendships with other women.
I love my family to death! I enjoy the cherished moments with my children. Yes, my husband is my best friend. However, I am thankful that my family doesn’t have to carry the burden of filling this area of my life. There is something so fun, refreshing, free, and amazing about time spent with my girlfriends. I believe it is one of the greatest and healthiest things a woman can do and should do. Like every relationship, it carries with it its own God given beautiful dynamic.
From my perspective, it is a selfish thing to say that “I don’t have time for friends” or “I don’t need friends.” What about the friend that needs YOU? I think of all the women who came alongside me. The women that showed up for me. Some are older, and some are younger. Many helped mold me and inspired me along life’s journey. Many are just a blessing to me for just being who they are. I think of all the ladies full of wisdom who let me share my immature thoughts and ideas as I was developing.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17
If I am paying someone for their service or they are paying me for a service, those are not my friends. If money is involved, the relationship many times is not a pure friendship. They are acquaintances or partners. Don’t get me wrong, I have become friends with many women out of these circumstances, however, very few friendships are from this paradigm.
It may take a while to find friends. Don’t give up! Keep searching and trying new people. They say the best way to find a friend is to be a friend. Be the friend you wish you had. That’s what I do. You don’t need a lot of friends, just a few. Have the mindset and focus of just showing up and being a friend.
“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’” 40:25 Matthew
As a mother, I am always cognizant of my daughter, who is watching me and following in my footsteps. It is important to teach our daughters and help them navigate good, healthy female friendships.
I know it can appear easier to have all male friends. However, that’s good theology if you never plan to get married. What happens to all your male friends once you are married? Plus, who will be your bridesmaids? LOL! I believe we can think it’s easier to have these types of friendship. But don’t believe the lie. When you find amazing women who support you and encourage you and stick by you through life’s journeys of ups and downs, wins and losses, it’s one of the most precious gifts! Great friendships are out there. Don’t give up! Don’t get discouraged!
“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.” 8-4:2 Titus
I understand some of us may have had the thought, “I don’t need one more friend.” That’s when I realize it’s not about me. God calls us to live a selfless life. We are called to serve others and to love others. At times, it may be a sacrifice on our end. Truth be told, sometimes I don’t feel like showing up to a Chick Church (after a long week). Then I think, maybe someone is counting on me to be there. Or maybe I’m too exhausted to attend Champ Group. Then I realize that my life is not about me. And I choose to show up for them! I want to show up for others!
“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.” 14-13:15 John
I believe we have something so unique and special with all of you ladies who show up for Chick Church! So many of you are choosing to show up for your Champ Groups! Everyone is showing up each Sunday for the Champ Fam! Thank you for showing up! I will do my best to keep showing up! Let’s keep showing up for one another! Let’s show up for that woman we have yet to meet who’s waiting for us to show up for her!
I love you!
Love,
Janelle